Mother Dearest

Dear mother, my dearest love

How much I long to tell you

But the words get stuck in my throat

And all I can do is just suffer through

I can't tell you how much I feel

My end is near, it's haunting me

And I feel out of luck and though

And the thoughts of my own demise

Just won't let me be

I keep contemplating ways to end it all

To put an end to this pain I feel

But every time a thought of you crosses my mind

These thoughts won't just let me be

And I know it's not something I can deal or trade

Each new passing day I think and I think

Never have I had thoughts of homicide

Never have I wanted to cause harm

But this darkness inside of me

Is causing my mind to alarm

My father, he's caused me pain

And I don't judge, but he's a terrible man

And my brother, lost in his own world 

Doesn't seem to care where I stand or fall

I beginning to wonder, "Do they care about me at all?"

But you, my dear mother, you're my only reason 

To keep holding on, to stay alive

For I know your heart would break

If I were no longer by your side

Or near you to welcome a new season

The sacrifices you have made for me

I can never fully repay

And the thought of causing you pain

Is something I just can't bear today

So I'll keep holding on for a little while longer

Till we'll who knows, what the future may hold

I'll keep fighting through this pain

And I pray that my strength will not fold

For you, my dear mother, I'll stay strong

I'll keep fighting, I'll never give in

And I hope and pray that one day

This darkness will come to an end

Till then, I'll lean on your love

And hold on to your embrace

For you are my reason to live

And with you, I'll find my place

So thank you, my dearest mother

For being my light in this dark place

I'll keep holding on for you

And I'll never forget your loving grace.