Charms & Abilities

Prostitutes and actors have one thing

in common. As it is also with Geisha;

They rely on their charms, and abilities

To entertain their audience. Otherwise,

they are completely different from each

other. But in this life I have been all three.

I can tell you it's a training ground on how to adapt and function in this world.

The universe is not so kind. But what do we put out in the universe is the question.

Since then I turned more focused in the arts than entertaining. I use good memories and bad to make a statement.

I'm usually far removed from a feeling.

Which allows me to be more mature regarding certain issues. I turned to writing and photography and painting.

And drawing. Where before I was using my charm and wit, my musicality. My silence.

My listening ear. I can tell you with no facade. I lost my mind during my grandmother's illness that took her away from me. And the loss of a lover.

I felt powerless when I was quite powerful.

And I haven't given up acting or prostitution. I use the same charms in my writing and art. I play a character most of time. And I don't listen to anyone. I listen to my self. I allow myself to free myself from the shackles that bind. Much like BDSM there usually is a safe word.

But I don't have a safe word. I accept my punishment at last. There is pleasure in pain. And the most submissive are the most powerful. Secretly and abundantly clear I made a journey back to familiar

path towards the light. To God. To my Christian roots. I've been beaten, molested

And raped. Stolen from. Seen my many friends die of diseases or gun shot.

I've bended gender lines. Lost family.

Embraced others and been subject to ridicule and praise. I'd like to thank so 

many for molding me into this sensitive caring thoughtful sweet natured nature loving being. But my parents have that acclaim. I took it from them. I am to blame.