okay

Okay so I let my creepiest thoughts that creep around in my head from time to time unleashed on the world wide web. I must stay positive and pray to God for a better tomorrow. It's so hard to try to stay optimistic. But I must. It's crucial on my family's happiness. And my future. Although I'm stuck in a cage and I feel swept under the rug or like a crumb on the counter that someone just sweeps me off to the floor. I must begin to think higher of myself and others and think about what damage I could do if I hurt myself. It's not only me I take - I take people's wishes hopes and dreams for me with. I will survive the rock steady vibe. Real love survives. I love my family and God.

I decided to pray to make it through today and tonight. Hopefully a good night's rest will do me good. Thinking positive.

I'm not a role model. But I'd hate to see someone else hurt as much as I do and do away with themselves. And I have a feeling I'd devastate a few people if I did.

God heal me with all seeing eye and for I am a fool. Im not a victim. I have to preserve and struggle for freedom and independence. And one day I will have that. Maybe people close to me don't appreciate that but I will try harder to be mindful of others feelings and I won't reduce myself to their nasty ways. I forgive them because I hope you forgive me.

Heaven is for all of us. All of us repented sinners. I beg for you to show me a way to a clear mind and a loving heart. Because I do possess them at times. Amen.