I searched my whole brain

I searched my whole mind for fantasies wishes and nightmares and I don't have any. I may have a vivid imagination. For the longest time I thought I had AIDS because I was promiscuous. And I found out I don't have it. I was not scared to get with people who were inflicted by a sniffle and I snuggled with them. Or chat with them. I may have diabetes, cholesterol, a failing kidney and mental health issues; Elevated hemoglobin, including mental health issues from failed hypnosis attempts against my will. But I don't blame anyone. I'm not a hero. I'm not a monster or pedophile. I may have memories of being fondled or touched or talked to, but I will chuck it up as a bad dream. One I had to heal myself from and get better than thinking of past days. I don't want a lover.

I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want sex.

I don't want marriage or kids. I don't want money or things. I don't want a one night stand or to be a fashion plate. I don't want to mature too much or lose my humor. I just want to retain my sanity. And I want to remain lucid through my difficulties. And I don't want to be too loose and give away my strengths or let go of my faith in the Almighty God. In God I trust. And hopefully he will trust me that I have confessed all my sins. I have revisited all my trials. And I have repented for them.