To be real

Inside; I shed a little tear. I was bleeding from my heart. Welcome to my fear. I'm addicted to you. And I wish you were near me. Outside; I smile and people see what I want them to see. I wish I could be more real. But I have my self defense and mi amore, I love you, te amo, my selfish little whims and my disregard for hypocrisy. I long for the day I am stronger to reveal the side of me that is more real. I contradict myself and nourishment. I resist the teachings. I persist and I'm forever relentless. I need to visit my priest.

I bless myself and reflect on my life with you. I need to visit the church and be consumed by the spirit. Devour me whole.

Oh Holy Ghost. I feel the spirit. I'm down on my knees. I truly do feel it. Just like a prayer; just like a little child; I weep and sob; I question the reasons why I don't belong to anyone. I am lonely. I'm addicted to baring my soul. I wish I could be more real. I wish I could sing in the choir. And sing Acapella. A rock opera musical and baroque fruity little song. I'm not a performer. I've done performance art. But that is not me. I truly did love to conceptualize. But my feeling is to be more real I must be in your company.

You are the greatest companion to me.

With you I am not that lonely. And I have searched for everything under fiery sun.

I've searched with fury. And now I am real.

It took a long time but with your help 

I have found to be real and raw- I must be in your company.