Forgive me Gerald

I forgive you Gerald for lying to me

I didn't know that you were married 

Or well connected

I knew you had a fetish and wanted 

To make me a meal of chicken and beef

With peppers and Italian wine

And while I blacked out I saw visions 

Of the American flag

And monsterous animal face masks

I woke with blood stains 

I had flashes of black leather dentist chair

And I saw a chainsaw and a drill

Leather whips

And chains, paddles and gags,

And I was dripping in blood

Should I laugh

Should I cry

Please forgive me if I've ruined you

Now I don't meet up with strangers & guys

What else was I supposed to think

When you responded so rudely

To my question

If someone was raped

Should I forget my bruises

But I say that's in the past

I truly forgive you and even pray for you

That you will even forgive me

For allowing you to scare me 

You didn't take my body

It doesn't belong to you

It doesn't belong to me 

I should have never left my buddy

My partner and lover alone that night 

To cruise the scene

And heaven knows I'm wrong

But now you wouldn't scare me

Forgive me, Gerald

I won't speak of this again

You get what you ask for

And I can't forget that gesture with ur hand

As if it's okay to do such a thing

Like it's my fault

How do you function

Because sometimes I lose my breath

As if I'm suffocating

And sometimes I feel I'm close to death

But I'm alive

I'm just staying alive

Anyway forgive me 

And this time this apology

Comes with no strings or cost

It's just so I can get some sleep