When will I have my clarity?

Clarity has disappeared. Momentary silence is what I should expect right now.

Moments likes this are what you are used to by now. Where do I go from here? How I keep my passion alive? How do I keep myself alive? What do I have to live for?

What do I have to look forward to? Besides another year? Clarity has disappeared.

Besides being given life I've been ungrateful somehow. And another performance. Another tall tale.

I take a bow. Sometimes I wonder if you are social does that make you a sociopath.

Sometimes I wonder if you are haunted by angels does that make you closer to the divine. I drink the wine. And now I'm psycho. I've found another path.

What can you say about mental illness?

Or disease? Or your faith in something that you can't touch or feel or see. I am wrong because I do feel it. I know that's keep me alive. I drink the wine and smoke another cigarette. I've counted steps-  day by day.

I've grown strong. Hmmm. I'm okay.

I count the steps. I feel weak, insane.

I go through this day by day. Mmmm.

I'm okay. What you tell yourself to make it through the day. What you claim as your mistakes and your pain? You can lie to yourself or pray for wisdom. There is no cure for mental illness. It's mind over medicine and medicine as well. It's all a science and up to interpretation and opinion. Cognitive theory. And it may be miserable. But if your able. Clarity will return. Clarity has disappeared. When will clarity return?