Tired

This is unfair. I can't even speak in my home. I can't even talk or share my opinion. Or share my life. And I'm all alone.

I can't spend my own money how I want to. They take my money and transfer it to other accounts. They make appointments for doctors and I feel fine. I'm all alone.

I dance around in the dark to the music.

I talk to strangers on the street. I spend time with family. I'm not sick.  I do whatever I want to. I have to smoke cigarettes one by one. And I have to deal with screaming and yelling and attitude.

We can even have a conversation. I have much better than worse days.

And somebody always has a problem.

I'm not allowed to be me. Someone always seems to have an opinion of me.

And somebody is always commenting about me. Somebody is screaming and yelling. I can't even agree or disagree.

I can't even live a life where I'm taking caring of myself and self reliant and have my own things. I can't deal with this anymore in this fucked up universe.

I have had to sacrifice and not even have my own money. I can't even have my own debit card. Or my credit cards and then you're shocked when I do whatever.

I may love the people I love. But this is unfair. I wish I was dead, sometimes.

So I would have to hear another word.

I have been through so much and I do place others first and before me. I sometimes get impatient but I have had to do without plenty of things. And no one understands me. I can't even talk or speak of my wishes and desires. I'm tired of everything. I pray to God to be better.

To be more understanding of others.

But they place me under their shoes and walk all over me. They are quick to shut me up or silence me with anger and they are not understanding. I have been through so much. And I'm not perfect.

I do fuck up sometimes. I do everything I can do to be considerate and kind.

But that is the trouble of being the nice guy. And when they know this about you- they take advantage of you and mistreat you. I can be understanding of their plight.

But as much as I try to be happy and grateful. I'm miserable most of the time.

I'm so tired of my life.