Live

I realize how important it is not to give up. Years ago I would try to take my life and commit suicide. But now I realize I have people who care for me. I have been a burden on too many people and I'm trying my best to ease up on filters and edits and embrace reality. I have been watching my weight. And my sugar. And I have been smoking less although I want to smoke more. And I have my suggah- wuggahs.

I have my coffee. I have an angel of a mother.

And I have the rest of my family. I pray to God everyday that he lifts the burden of my latest struggles. I pray my pain away. I just try to live.

And lately I don't have much of a life. All I do is write and write. I just try to live in the moment.

Although I'm uncomfortable in the skin I live in. I'd rather not go there. It's been too despicable and disgusting. But I try my best to let go and forgive. To put it God's hands and I try to live my best possible life of no masturbation and being celebate. I do admit I do have a few sins I'm a homosexual. I've dressed in woman's clothing. I've befriended hermaphrodites and transexuals and prostitutes and pimps. Mafia men and addicts criminals and the homeless. A world lost on me but I didn't think that were hopeless. So I'm not giving up on myself. I am not getting a divorce. I have tried to divorce myself from everybody once before. I will just forgive. I will just live. Now I'm friends with priests, monks and nuns. I'm working on myself. I'm married to life again. Although personally I should throw him out. But I'm fine. I'm okay. I'll forgive. I'll live.