Let's smoke a cigarette
There is smoke finding it's way to the ceiling. Smoke vapor in the air, it can be clouds of cigarette smoke. Oh, what a feeling; what have we done, who is lying next to me. It's Josephine. This was our first gang bang. Our first group. And now even though we thought we were highly enlightened individuals. We now have a distance and lost our intimacy. Our own personal connection. We went too far away from our standards and ideal picture perfect romance. We will probably break up. And soon this will happen to one of you.
Later the next day we went to the strip club named after a Motley Crew song.
It always played when you entered and every other performance. In between you would hear thundering base and see these girls girating their curvaceous bodies.
They would twerk, tweet, or contortort their bodies into anything. As usual the stifling scent of white flowers would permiate through out the place. Quintessential and very stereotypical, yes, but in a way it kind of grows on you but then I'm not everybody it would make me want to vomit. I felt like I was in mall. A seedy mall with trifling trash trying to stand out in the crowd. But I reminded myself I, too, was once like these people.
Attention starved and hoping to improve my finances.
Which brings me to the people I'm here with: Josephine, Carlos, Mya, Uriah, and Reem and Mimi. One is Muslim and would say she'd eat a sausage pizza before doing something she didn't want to do. Or if she would be accused of terrorism and etc. It was her humor and self defense mechanism. She would always diffuse things with humor. I guess we're all the way. There's a lot of truth in humor. Oh stop reading if this offends you!
Several were of Latin, Hispanic and Carribean decent mixed with European. Josephine was African. Carlos is Josephine's new boyfriend. But Josephine is more in love with Uriah. In a way they way they seem to suit each other; it's so natural, they belong together
During sex. Josephine and Uriah would hear the words created for the expansion of hell pamphlet the Catholic church created in the sixteen hundreds. They would often hear racial negativity and comments. Double standards for beauty and behavior. And as it would have it so would all of us. We all use words to communicate and be pro reactive and sometimes they can be offensive or ignorant. It doesn't mean they don't have a place or do. But we must choose our words carefully and not be provocative merely just be provocative.
Because ultimately we all need beauty.
Whatever is beautiful to you. We decided to have another group session. We were all making beautiful music. We were moving like one animal. One machine.
It's such a viseral thing. The second time was better than the first. Now, Carlos is my boyfriend. We are all like little rarities that we must cultivate to become our own being with divine energy. And who and what is right for you is a mystery. Instead of blaming failures or depression on the world. Go write a novel. Go make a movie. Go record that record. Sing in the choir. Right and wrong isn't always clear. But once we walk away from these illusions of satisfaction and success-We are left alone usually by yourself. And you have to like the company.
We don't talk to our circle of friends. They disowned us. We wish them the best because outside of their stubbornness - They are truly amazing human beings. But, now, we are monogamous and in a committed relationship. I still smoke cigarettes. But only in the morning with my coffee. I get a hug and kiss from my love, and begin my day. A hug and a kiss goodnight with my coffee and cigarette breath.
My heart and lungs are healthy, but I'm dying. I want to do something more. Nothing explicit. I want to write a short story. Oh wait I did it.