Like a child

I was so unsure

My mind was there

But atleast my memories

Didn't seem to play tricks on me

The butterflies came and reminded me

Of all my childhood crushes and favorite things

I was so pure and raw 

Full of emotion

I would emote 

And dream of drinking magic potions

To make me strong and invincible

I would dream of stardom but I realized

All to quick

Nothing is what seems

In a world full of blue and pink

And rainbow colored dreams

I was so shy

I was afraid of the wind

I had my own peculiar manner

I was a boy who played with girl things

I danced ecstatically to music

Proud Mary on the stereo

Martha and the Vandellas 

Dancing in the streets

Madonna's Lucky Star

And then my mom would yell and scream at me

To wash the dishes and clean my room

And how I didn't need those things

I went to the pharmacy where I stole a pen 

 And a notebook

An eraser 

I don't know what for

So I could draw and write

I would need my necessities

So I can begin my life

My feelings are so dire

Each and every adventure

I'm not really a shoplifter

It's an extension of being poor

I don't have what excited me

Even if it costs a dollar or a penny

And I need to begin my life

I'm almost Fifty 

Ive had memorable times

Who needs you?

So now they have to continue

I need to communicate

I'm not mad with you?

And use my words carefully

Although I don't feel like I must negotiate

I don't feel like being in a business venture

Or a cold transaction at the ATM 

Or vending machine

I'm still finding new friends

I'm still healing from abuse and heartbreak

I'm still getting used to modern technology

I still have an aversion to modern music

I need to change my aesthetic and my energy

I still have yet to chase the butterflies

I'm not angry 

You tell me that I'm lost

I still need to find my way

For everything their is a price you pay

There is a cost

I'm not mad at you

I've always been big brother

I'd rather make my own decisions in my life...I feel so isolated and held back....

And sure, I'm here again as I'm getting older....

The more I feel like a child

And before I know it I'll be a helpless fetus

And wither away and die

I never really had a chance to chase butterflies

I only have had the pleasure to dream 

And wishfulthink about everything

I wanted and abruptly I wonder and wander

But the things I need are still missing

From my life