Ecstasy, A Hi- Low theory: The Tao of Pete

My whole mission in life is to prove that gay people (like me) still believe in God and can be interesting and good. I prove it by existing, but I do want to do something. Multifaceted and brilliant. I want to do some magnifique.All men desire ecstasy. Ekstasis. To go out of ourselves. Sex is just a glimpse or shadow of true ecstasy. I'm not looking to be a martyr or saint. The Straight/ Gay dichotomy is in the realm of the earth. Human eros is a reflection. We associate sex with eros. The angels are in a state of constant erotic ecstasy. I don't think most men are truly gay or straight. I think sexuality is a mix of various factors.

But for people like me I have no choice I must use my voice I was born this way. 

And I've always wanted to be pretty and be desired and devoured by men. I can't speak for all man kind and I'd rather not have to explain myself at all. There is too much analysis to digest and vomit out and some that is supportive but I have always been a toy, a boy- toy. To desire a person vs. to be an object of desire is something more real. At least for me. But I think it boils down to a desire for union for all of us. I think that also explains me. Human sexuality is a mystery. Other times it can be - other times it's just to get off and be with someone anyone it's like a desperate cry almost. Maybe not for help, but hey like me and the older you are you realize you don't like everyone so it's ok that everyone doesn't like you it's just another thing to be successful at now. With society and culture. But ultimately much like in the Tao of Ching we are stray dogs and more like bitches in heat. I refrain from using other language but I suppose that is me or personal. The Mystic Female has rarely been the predator. But now that is common ground for her. So now all of human kind is longing for some form of connection. And we seem race towards what is immediate. We need to find something more lasting. We need to stop caring about favorable and fashionable and come to terms with our basic needs for survival to determine what or who we choose to love. And we need to cultivate ourselves with discipline to appreciate life's simple pleasures. You can not rest on pretty. We all indulge in some guilty pleasure from time to time. But what is the most important to you. It is the simple. The uncomplicated. The immediate. So why not achieve what you want and desire with out it being so hurried. There is plenty of time to catch a fish. And usually fishing is so peaceful. Is your heart full is the question. And figuring out which one you want or what you seek is even more gratifying. This is mother nature. This is human nature. Atleast the kind that is usually good for you. Who is truly good? And are you good as well. It can be exclusive or something more casual. And much more interesting than the cruelty of life or man. Although in this life -sex, love, romance can be cruelty and one in the same. I know for certain it is worth the experience. And I only write to free my soul and only feel that way when I'm in love or in lust. I must do it because I feel I will burst or bust in two. This is how I'm made. I'm not always in your face. I barely know who cares for me. I'm really a mild mannered person. This is truly me. This is my hi- low theory. This is the Tao of Pete. 

I just have been feeling... so demeaned... that I wanted to go really out there to create a controversy for my outside family members to complain about. I think because I'm mild mannered, they can walk all over me. I know patience and understanding is a virtue. Maybe this is my passive aggressive ballad. High and low. Ups and downs. I truly understand. We're all a little crazy. But my crazy is healthy, it allows me to create. And do what I do. But other people make me feel blue. I just don't want to turn cold. I want to grow and change, while the things I write come to pass and live in bliss I only dream of it. This is Tao of Pete.