Again

 I tried my very best to be a good partner. 

 I tried my best to be a good friend.

 I toyed with the idea of perfection.

 I blurred the lines of hi and low art 

 I blurred the concepts of masculine +

 feminine. I was my own renaissance.

My life is a lie- I'm unhappy 

My little baby; although, he's not with me/

Is the greatest thing to happen to me.

He's not with us. Toxemia and rubella.

This is goodbye 

I won't commit suicide

This is goodbye to the yellow brick road 

This is goodbye to everything I know 

I must start again and reach into my mind.

Find a nugget of gold or a diamond 

That lives inside my soul 

Will it be a black piece of coal 

I've been told I have a black soul 

I am soulful 

I am your servant oh Lord 

My savior show me the way for me to go 

I may no longer continue to write or cry 

Or be in mourning 

I may live each day humble and modest 

As I always planned.

But I am mad. 

Beyond the Pickett fences in suburbia 

Exist stranger things than the city.

It's maddening.

I know what's right for me- humility.

I need to breakdown rest and regenerate 

My energy and stamina is endless 

But, it's time for me to retire my pen 

And paper. I can't stand the news.

My phone and my laptop.

I push away. (I'm fine)

Xavier, someday I'll hold you again.

That's enough for me.

I will love again.